As a mom of a lot of kids, I find myself running in circles sometimes. Literally, I have made circles trying to remember what I was doing, heading to do, getting what and where. But my BIGGEST challenge as a mom is finding time for each person in this family, EVERY DAY.
I go to bed each night and like all of us, I think of the day that I just finished. I think of things I did and didn’t get checked off my mental list, work related items, how I treated people and everything else I squeezed into 24 hours. Also during this rewind of my day, I always realize that someone was given the shaft that day. Someone didn’t get enough attention, love, or quality time from me. I try my hardest to give special time to each of my children and to Daddo. Even if its not special time where all of my attention is on them, I at least have a goal to say something sweet to each of them or give a heart felt, long hug to them if they’re the one that is just not getting Momma time that day.
It’s someone different getting the shaft for a number of reasons. Some more than others.
Here lately Daddo and I have been trying to really focus our attention on #3, the 2 and a half year old. We’re trying to fix him. He’s who our friends and even just acquaintances call something else. ‘He’s something else,’ they say. ‘A real fire ball.’ To us, he’s a bipolar mess making us all walk on egg shells. But we are going to fix him. So we’re focusing on explaining everything to him, always talking calmly to him, and showering him with love and attention (I mean his world was turned upside down just as he turned 2 when the female creature entered his life; and his bedroom). Obviously, as with the old parenting rule, he gets ZERO attention when he’s performing one of his many ill-mannered traits. So he’s a work in progress and demands a lot of our time and energy if not more than just mentally planning our course of action rather than one-on-one attention. He also gets the shaft on several occasions. He’s the tag-along to his brothers’ games, school events, practices and everything in between. He’s the almost self-sufficient, nearly a toddler who gets looked over when it comes time to care for the baby sister. So at times, #3 gets the shaft.
Then of course the cute, chubby, rolly thighs baby girl demands our attention just in order to keep her from putting everything in her mouth, dressing her, feeding her and capturing pictures of her constant rise to toddler hood. She has never gotten the shaft, and I’m sure anyone reading this will be glad to tell me that the youngest, only girl will never get the shaft… I will argue that.
The oldest, rarely gets the shaft because, well, as many close to us know, he demands attention. He’s the oldest anyways. He is the first to do all the kid stuff….. harder homework, reading novels that I share with him on our Nook, new, bigger bikes, soccer shoes, and everything else that #2 is just now doing or hasn’t done yet. He’s also becoming quite the independent and enjoys his ‘me’ time. He can do almost anything on his own and takes pride in doing so. I take for granted that he and his kid brother are so self-sufficient. They shower on their own, get dressed, brush their teeth, play on their own and occasionally get their own food. Because of this, Will does get the shaft on occasion.Though he’s too much in Will World to realize it. Just between us on here, he wuvs his momma and needs hugs and kisses and words of affirmation more than he lets on.
And that leads us to the one who more often than his siblings gets the shaft. I lay in bed thinking of the day and realize that Cole once again received the least amount of my time, my attention and just my physical touch. Kids need just that more than anything. Cole has been the Jackson kid who has wanted his momma more than any of the other three. We joke in our family and say how I owe him an extra 6 weeks, since he was born at 34 weeks. Perhaps he’s always felt the shaft starting from the day he was born. Cole is constantly with his big brother. So even when I’m with him, he’s having to share me. He loves nice, warm baths. He rarely gets one because his baby brother and sister use our only tub located in our master bathroom. Shaft. Last night I sent him and big brother to bed to read. He asked me to tuck him in and I told him I’d come back there soon, knowing it would take me longer than ‘soon’ to get the kitchen cleaned. When I made it back there, he was asleep with his flashlight in his hand. That was my chance, even at the end of a long day, to give him his time and not the shaft.
Our children need our time; even if just a few minutes. Don’t say a word; just hug them or look them straight in their eyes throughout their entire story that they’re telling you. Don’t answer your cell, or text or Facebook or instagram or whatever else can pull you away from the most important thing in your life at that moment. When we’re home, I don’t sit down until all the kids are in bed at 8:30. I remember the days I had time to just sit on the couch and cuddle and watch an entire Dora episode. I remember when if one of my kids were sick, I had time to hold them, and rub their head with nothing else pulling me away. Now, this is my biggest challenge.
It’s not always the same one getting the shaft. Daddo gets the shaft sometimes, although he may say most of the time. As moms, we have so many job descriptions. If we’re moms who go to a job outside of the home, then our job description is even bigger and we have less time to do it all. I don’t like saying ‘working mom’ because I was once a stay at home mom and I would have argued with someone if they said I wasn’t working. I also don’t like the term ‘full time mom’ because what does that make me a ‘part-time mom?’ I can promise, even when I’m not physically with my children, they are constantly on my mind, as well as are the millions of mommy jobs I have to do when I get home, this weekend, tomorrow, tonight, next month and for the rest of their lives.
Okay back to this blog’s topic… So moms have so much on their minds and in their hearts and only 24 hours to get it all done. Believe me I squeeze in as much of the day as I can starting at 4:30 in the morning and ending anywhere between 9 and 11 every night. What we ALL have to make sure we keep at the top of our priority list is making every person in our family feel loved, important, and special in their own way. Make them think that they are ‘Momma’s favorite today.’ This also includes the Daddos.
That’s my biggest challenge as a mom and a wife. As I work on this, hopefully more and more nights that I lay in bed reviewing the day’s events I will realize less and less that I gave someone the shaft.
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