A few weeks ago I read an article that really got my attention; no actually it stabbed me in the heart. Read it here: The Orange Rhino: 10 Things I Learned When I stopped Yelling at my Kids.
I attempted THAT day, oh April something, to stop raising my voice at my children. The how-to’s of not yelling wasn’t what intrigued me about this woman’s experience. I enjoyed hearing about how her life changed when she didn’t yell. I didn’t need to know the 5-step process to quit yelling that this particular mom used. You either lose your patience and raise your voice, or you don’t. It’s a choice. But as I’ve learned since first attempting this challenge, as an individual you need to come up with your own ‘steps’ in reaching your desired goal of speaking ever-so-calmly. So I’ve tried and failed more than a few times since discovering this article.
Not to be misunderstood, I don’t go off berating my children or cursing them or insulting them. The Orange Rhino deals with raising your voice to the point of yelling, either to get your child’s attention or because what you’re saying you just got through saying five times immediately before. No matter the cause, no matter how busy, stressed or tired we are from our hectic lives, we have no reason at all to yell at our precious children (unless of course they’re running out into a street or some other immediate line of danger). Study after study shows that children eventually tune out yelling and actually hear less of our words than when we speak to them calmly.
There are several other ways to getting your child’s attention, many of which I have attempted these past few weeks of failure with the 365 challenge. There’s nothing wrong with these tactics and they will eventually work fine. But the ever-so-sneaky, loud, impatient, frustrated momma voice usually found its way out.
So here I am attaching this insightful article to my blog. I am taking this challenge (again) starting today and whoever reads this blog and hopefully the Orange Rhino piece can hold me to my goal. Kind of like accountability partners when dieting or trying to quit smoking. Also, I’m sharing my personal challenge with other parents out there who may want to take on this challenge with me. Our kids already have so much more to worry about in their lives than we did as kids…. their parents (us) have distractions that our parents didn’t have including all of the new technological gadgets in our lives. Our kids are constantly fighting for our attention… our cell phone texts, social networks immediately at our fingertips, real-time tv like DVRs and the list goes on. The time that our children do get our attention, the least we can do is talk to them like humans; whom we love dearly.
Here’s what our kids deal with, another challenge I’ve already tackled this year with more success…
May 6th is my day. It is also the birthday of one of the little 6 year old boys who was shot and killed in his elementary school in December. He reminds me so much of my boys. Sports fan, tons of energy, and very much a boy. His sweetness is gone. My children are still here. I know I will fail from time to time during my 365 day challenge. But as long as I recognize it, stop and regroup and figure out what lead me to it and fix it, perhaps my kids will find a calmer, more patient mom a year from now.
Here we go.
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