New Year Renewal

Here lately, like the last 5 or so New Year’s, I’m actually kind of sad when I hear about a year ending and yet another one beginning. I can’t explain exactly how or why I feel like I do. It could have to do with my own age going UP along with the year. Sometimes I wonder if it has to do with the years passing on since my whole family was here celebrating the holiday season. My immediate family isn’t very big. And in the last 7 years I have lost my dad and my Mimi {my dad’s mom}. Those were two very constant people in my life not just on the holidays but really every day. With time {and age} I have learned that as years pass, so do the people we love and who love us back. 

With every passing year, my kids are also getting older and less, well, child-like. I think back to the year 2006, my dad’s last Christmas. I was a stay-home mom and had a 6 month old and barely 2 year old. I didn’t have a glimpse of sadness when the new year rolled around. My kids were babies, my dad was always a phone call away, as was all of my close relatives. And I was still years from turning 30 and feeling older.  That year always shines bright in my memory. But time is passing. 

I don’t know how other moms and parents feel, but when I mess up every day, and I mean really screw up as a mom, I depend on that next day to wake up and get to start over again. I won’t lose my patience today; I won’t yell this morning as we’re trying to get out the door; I will remember to read to my littles at bedtime; I will have a good conversation with Daddo. 

Every morning we get a new start. Our kiddos love us unconditionally. They even love us more than our spouses. It’s true. I know it’s hard for me to forget the little mistakes Daddo did last week or last month and I’m sure he remembered me taking out my stress on him time and time again. As adults, we don’t forget that. We even stay angry for awhile. 

But our kids? They wake up each day loving us. We are their only mom and dad. No one else. We can mess up so much, tell them we’re sorry, excuse ourselves when a bad word slips, ignore them on our phones and respond with, ‘That’s neat’ to every story they’ve ever told us. They still LOVE us
unconditionally. They let us start over completely fresh every day. 

But those are just children. When our babies grow a little older and reach that age of knowledge, however old that may be, they start to not forget. They start to resent us for things, hold grudges, even black mail us for our mistakes. I know it. I know it’s coming. 

If only the years could stop changing. Then my kids would always have the same child-like faith for their mom. 

I’ve said it before and I do mean it; I am never sad when my kids reach a new milestone or grade in school. I am always so excited for them. I am sad though that sooner than later, I won’t be the Super Mom they think I am now. None of us are. Soon, I won’t be able to go to bed with the relief that I can start over fresh with them the next day. Not yell. Not spend my free time doing chores or errands. Not forget to hug each one of them and tell each one something special that day. {yep there are days I lay in bed realizing a kid didn’t get a single moment with mom or even a tight squeeze}. 

My ‘start over tomorrow’ thoughts need to be less and less. 

My 2015 New Year Renewal is to have less distractions. I want to live in each moment more. This is my renewal instead of my resolution. This is less of a rule for me and more of a change. It’s not a promise or a resolve; it’s a daily renewal of Don’t Even Start the ‘I Shoulda Woulda’s’ In the First Place. 

What will this ‘Less Distractions’ include? I’ll probably add to the list as the months go by. For starters though my distractions are: my phone obviously. I have the most patient kids in the history of the world. ALL OF US DO. Our 21st century kids tell us stories while we stare at our phones, they ask us for things while we half-heartedly give them answers while staring at our phones, they are expected to sit quietly in chairs while we sit near them staring at our phones. Again, we have the most patient kids EVER. They deserve more attention. So sorry if I don’t Facebook back immediately or respond to your text within minutes this next year. 

My distractions also include my home chores. Yes I work and obviously HAVETO get them done, but I must realize that the laundry and dirty floor will be waiting on me later. In 2020, my kids won’t be waiting on me. {I do plan on cleaning them within five years though}.

Those are just two distractions from a pile of many that I’m sure I’ll realize as the months roll by. But I’m starting there. 

Start fresh not each day, but start fresh before you even have to ‘have another chance.’ 

Renewal is something we are given by God. He will never turn His back on us no matter how much we hurt Him, disappoint Him and forget about Him. We have renewal through Him everyday if it’s in our hearts. 

My kids and Daddo know I love them and they know what’s in my heart, but their renewal may not last forever. We must make our mistakes less and less. Whatever regrets you usually have at the end of each day, make those your New Year Renewals. 

For me, I’ll start fresh and require less and less Do-Overs as a mom, friend, and wifey. That’ll require less distractions. What’s your Renewal?

“There is no justification without sanctification, no forgiveness without renewal of life, no real faith from which the fruits of new obedience do not grow.”

         ~ Martin Luther